10 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Writing a Eulogy

Writing a eulogy is a deeply personal and emotional task. It’s a chance to honor a loved one, celebrate their life, and share memories that provide comfort to family and friends. While eulogies are heartfelt by nature, the process of writing one can be challenging, especially when emotions run high.To help you create a meaningful and impactful tribute, here are 10 common mistakes to avoid when writing a eulogy and tips on how to sidestep them.

1. Being Overly Formal or Impersonal

One of the most common mistakes is writing a eulogy that feels like a rigid biography instead of a personal tribute. Listing dates, achievements, and milestones without adding personal stories or reflections can make the speech feel detached.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Share anecdotes and memories that illustrate your loved one’s personality and values.
• Write as if you’re speaking to close friends, not an audience. Keep the tone conversational and heartfelt.

Example:Instead of saying, “John was born in 1945 and graduated in 1967,” say, “John’s passion for learning was clear from a young age, and he was always proud of earning his degree, even as he juggled three part-time jobs to make it happen.”

2. Focusing Too Much on Yourself

While sharing personal memories is essential, the focus of a eulogy should remain on the deceased. Overly detailed stories about your own experiences or unrelated topics can shift attention away from honoring your loved one.
Avoiding This Mistake:

• Use personal stories to highlight the qualities and values of your loved one, rather than centering the story on yourself.
• Ask yourself: “How does this story reflect who they were?”

3. Making It Too Long

Eulogies that are overly long risk losing the audience’s attention and may not fit within the time allocated for the service.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Aim for 5-10 minutes (around 750-1,000 words).
• Focus on a few key stories and themes rather than trying to cover every aspect of their life.

4. Leaving Out Humor or Lighthearted MomentsIt’s common to feel that a eulogy should be solemn, but leaving out humor or lighthearted moments can miss the opportunity to celebrate the joy your loved one brought to others.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Include funny or heartwarming stories that showcase their sense of humor or unique quirks.
• Keep the humor appropriate for the setting and audience.

Example:If your loved one was known for their cooking but often burned dinner, a lighthearted comment like, “We all loved Mom’s cooking... especially when the smoke alarm stayed quiet,” can bring smiles without being disrespectful.

5. Trying to Be Perfect

Perfectionism can paralyze the writing process and add unnecessary stress. A eulogy isn’t about eloquence; it’s about authenticity.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Write from the heart and focus on sincerity over perfect grammar or structure.
• Remember that the audience values your effort and emotional connection more than polished words.

6. Being Overly Negative or Critical

Every person has flaws, but focusing on them in a eulogy can feel out of place. Even if the deceased had challenging traits or relationships, the eulogy should emphasize their positive qualities.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• If addressing challenges, frame them in a compassionate way.
• Focus on their growth, resilience, or the positive impact they had despite their struggles.

Example:

Instead of saying, “He was always stubborn,” you could say, “His determination and unwavering commitment to his beliefs were traits we all admired.”

7. Failing to Edit or PracticeReading a eulogy straight from a first draft can lead to stumbling over awkward phrasing or realizing mid-speech that it’s too long.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Edit your draft for clarity, conciseness, and flow.
• Practice reading it aloud to ensure it sounds natural and fits the time limit.

Tip:Ask a trusted friend or family member to review your eulogy and provide feedback.

8. Using Too Many Clichés

Generic phrases like “They lit up every room” or “They were one of a kind” can feel impersonal unless backed up with specific examples.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Replace clichés with concrete stories or descriptions that paint a vivid picture of your loved one.
• Be specific: What did they do that lit up a room? How were they “one of a kind”?

Example:
Instead of saying, “She was generous,” share a story like, “When a neighbor’s car broke down, she handed them her own keys and said, ‘Take mine until yours is fixed.’ That’s just who she was.”

9. Overloading with Details

Including too many names, dates, or minor events can make the eulogy feel cluttered and difficult to follow.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Focus on key themes or defining moments rather than listing every detail.
• Select 2-3 stories that best encapsulate their character.

10. Neglecting the Audience

A eulogy that doesn’t consider the audience’s perspective can fall flat. For example, inside jokes or niche references might alienate some listeners.

Avoiding This Mistake:

• Include stories and reflections that will resonate with the majority of the audience.
• Balance personal anecdotes with universal themes like love, kindness, or resilience.

Tip:Think about how your words will be received by close family members, friends, and even acquaintances of the deceased.

Final Thoughts

Writing a eulogy is an act of love that requires vulnerability, reflection, and effort. By avoiding these common mistakes, you can craft a tribute that is authentic, meaningful, and comforting to those who hear it.

Above all, remember that there’s no “right” way to write a eulogy—what matters most is your genuine desire to honor your loved one and share their story with the world.

If you find, after all this, that writing a eulogy is too stressful or difficult, contact a professional eulogy writer: TheEulogyWriters.com