Funeral Planning 101

Fortunately, most of us are novices at planning a funeral. We’ve all had loved ones die, but others have handled the ‘arrangements.’ Others have made the decisions and explored the options. Others have written the eulogy and planned the service.

We would like to provide you with a bit of guidance and information on funeral planning. None of it is new or revolutionary. It is just, for the most part, unknown to people like you and me.It is very possible (probable) that, eventually, you will be called on to plan a funeral or memorial service or celebration of life. If so, that means you have lost someone close to you. We are so sorry for your loss or impending loss.

Let’s answer a few of the more typical questions people have:

If a person is cremated, can he/she still have a funeral service?

Yes – and most do.  Cremation, burial or entombment in a crypt are the typical methods of dealing with a person’s body after death. With any of these methods a family can choose to have (or not have) a funeral, memorial service or celebration of life.
 
Some people choose cremation for financial reasons, believing it is less expensive since they don’t have to have the expense of a funeral or memorial service. However, most families end up spend just as much with a cremation as they would for a traditional funeral or memorial service.
 
What is the Downside to Cremation?
 
The obvious downside to scattering your loved one’s ashes instead of having a burial is that there is no specific ‘place’ where family can go to visit. They can go to the lakeshore where the ashes were scattered or the mountains, but there is a legitimate sense that there is no longer any trace of the loved one there. Or, if the ashes are scattered on the family homestead, what is the emotional impact on the family if/when the property changes hands?
 
Is Pre-Paying funeral costs a good idea?

Simply stated – YES. If you can afford to pre-pay for funeral costs, you are paying with today’s dollars and costs. If you should live another 20 – 30 years, prices will have, most likely, gone up significantly. At that point, pre-paid funeral costs will save your estate and your loved ones significantly. A funeral may be the only thing you can have delivered in the future for the prices today.
Be sure to keep all paperwork and documentation in a safe and accessible location. Without it, funeral homes may not be able to honor the contract – especially if the funeral home has changed hands or been passed on to the next generation.
 
What Part of Funeral Planning Do People Find Most Difficult?

#1 – Indecision. The decisions made for a funeral or memorial service are the final ones made on behalf of a loved one. There is considerable stress to get it right.
 
Indecision, of course, comes from the fact that there hasn’t been proper communication. The family simply doesn’t know because you (or the passed loved one) hasn’t spelled it out in specific and sometimes not even in general terms. This causes those who need to make the decisions to feel as though they are ‘winging it’ or that they are being self-centered in that their decisions are what THEY want and not the one they’ve lost.
 
On the other side of the coin is the funeral that has been ‘over-planned.’ Another difficult situation is when the deceased over-planned their funeral, leaving such detailed instructions that getting it just right is nearly impossible – and sometimes doesn’t minister to the needs of the living. The only one who gets it ‘their way’ is the one not actually present.
 
Then, too, there is family dynamics in funeral planning. Temperaments and personalities clash and some don’t want to make waves while others have no problem being the wrench in the works. It is truly tragic when funeral planning divides a family and causes divisions that may last decades or lifetimes.
 
How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Funeral prices vary widely. It’s like buying a house. A simple cottage is relatively inexpensive, but a house on a lake with a pontoon boat at the dock, can break the bank. It all depends on how elaborate you want a funeral to be and how many ‘extras’ you include.
 
In Michigan, where I live, the current average price of a funeral is $8000. That, of course, takes the most basic funeral into account as well as the most expensive. When you start adding things like newspaper announcements and obituaries, professional eulogy writers, visitation with food, printed programs, musicians, hearse, and flowers, the cost, naturally, increases significantly.
 

Your Funeral – Your Way – Your Last Wishes

Thus far, in all of human history, only two people have escaped death – Enoch and Elijah in the Bible. You and I? We WILL die eventually. Nevertheless, death is one of those topics that is seldom discussed, in relation to yourself or the one you are talking to. But wouldn’t it be comforting to know, when the day comes, that your wishes have been stated, written down, and will be respected and followed?
 
It can be a difficult conversation – unless you start it and it’s about you. Then, perhaps, you can continue the conversation and include that elderly person you’d like to have the discussion with, as well.
 
There is really nothing morbid about thinking about and discussing mortality and final wishes. Death is a natural progression of life. Talking about it can be awkward at first but, in the end, the resulting conversation will relieve family members of a lot of pressure and the making of tough decisions on the spur of the moment. Talking about death is a GOOD thing.
 
Step 1:  Talk About Your Final Wishes With Your Family
You know your family. The first thing you need to determine is whether facing the subject of final wishes should be directly approached or something a bit more nuanced.
 
If your family is a ‘no nonsense’ kind of family, you may want to simply broach the subject directly: “I’ve been thinking about my memorial service when I die. I’d like to sit down with all of you in the near future to talk about it, let you know what I’m thinking, and get some of your input. When can we all get together?”
 
It is usually better to say ‘let’s get together soon’ rather than ‘let’s talk about it now’ in that allowing your family members to think about it a bit and process the whole idea of you dying and having specific wishes.
 
But some families don’t work that way. For some, it is necessary to approach the subject more casually and to bring it up in the course of talking about other things – such as the death of someone you know and the beauty (or lack of) of their funeral or memorial service. “You know, I really liked the way their service flowed and the music and the eulogies. Let me tell you what I’d like at my funeral or memorial service…” Hopefully, this more casual approach – and more natural in some ways, will allow people to talk and listen to your wishes and have input.
 
Once the subject is in the open, it is much easier to let them know where you want to be buried, what you want to service to look like, whom you want to give a eulogy (or perhaps several eulogies), what music you’d like, what poems or scriptural passages you’d like read. It can be as detailed and specific as you want. You could even broaden it by asking them “What kind of funeral would you want?... Let me tell you what I want…”
 
With either approach, there very well may be family members who are upset or uncomfortable and will not want to talk about it. Our culture is so death-talk averse, that this would not be uncommon. The very thought of you dying is unthinkable and, most certainly, unmentionable.
 
Let them know that you aren’t trying to upset them but that, if they are honest, they know that you WILL die – everyone does – and that wisdom says making preparation and letting people know your final wishes is the only way those wishes can be honored. Reassure them that you aren’t planning to die any time soon – you want to talk about these thing because you love them and want them to not be overwhelmed with indecision when the time comes.  
 
If the topic is so odious that it cannot be discussed openly, we would suggest that you write out your wishes and enclose them in a clearly marked envelope. Tell someone in the family (if not everyone) that you have done this and where the envelope is.
 
Talking about it is preferable, but if uncomfortable conversation is not an option, having it written out is a good alternative.
 
Obviously, any of the three approaches – direct, indirect, or writing it out – is much easier if your death is not imminent. These things should be decided well ahead of need.
 
However, if your health or prognosis is not good, it is still not too late to discuss final wishes issues. It will just be considerably more emotional. Hopefully family members will be able to take part in these discussions and not use their denial as armor against talking about them.
 
Step 2: Try to Get Agreement on Your Final Wishes
The person or persons responsible for making funeral or memorial decisions when you die are under no legal obligation to do as instructed. THEY are the makers of all final decisions and, of course, you can do nothing about it. Come to agreement on what you want. That really is the only way your final wishes will happen.
 
In addition, if your family hasn’t agreed on what you want, it is not uncommon for family disputes to happen when you pass. One child may want you buried in their locale, another in theirs. YOUR final wishes need to be known and agreed upon by all.
 
If you have a Legal Will (which is a good idea for many reasons, including minimizing estate taxes), ensure that your executor understands and agrees with your final wishes. 
 
You can, of course, make your final wishes legal by including them in your will. The down side to that is the fact that often the will is not even opened until after the funeral or memorial service so those wishes may not be know until too late.
 
Step 3: Create a “Final Wishes” File and Let Everyone Know Where it is
Even if you have discussed your final wishes, it is a true gift to your family to have those wishes written out in as much detail as you’d like. It will quell arguments. It will relieve stress. It will give a sense of confidence that family is honoring you in the best way possible.
 
The first document in the file should be your ‘Last Will and Testament.’
 
The funeral director may ask that your estate executor give evidence that he/she has the authority to make decisions about your funeral or memorial service. This is usually not necessary unless there seems to be some kind of family dispute about who makes those ‘final wish’ decisions, but it does happen. Your will should spell this out clearly so there is no doubt.  
 
Your file should contain an entire checklist of your final wishes. At a minimum, it should outline your wishes for:

• What’s to be done with your body (typically only burial or cremation):

• If burial, where you wish to be buried? Does a cemetery plot exist or a crypt? Does a plot yet need to be purchased? What requirements, in terms of location withing the cemetery and costs would you like to impose?  Should you be embalmed or not? The file should include any paperwork for products and services already arranged.
  • If you’ve stated that you prefer cremation, what you would like done with your ashes (e.g. scattered? Where? Kept in the family home? Interned in a mausoleum or in the ground?).

• The type of send off you wish to have (e.g. a traditional church service; a service at the funeral home chapel; an informal celebration of life; a memorial service at your golf club).

• How services are to be paid for – the funeral home, the clergy or officiant, the eulogist. You may have prepaid some of these or purchased insurance toward them. Make note of the details and, if possible, include copies or the original documents.

 
You can get as specific as you want in your final wishes documents. You can include items such as:

• Funeral home. You’ve been to funerals at several in town. You may have one you prefer over the others. Which one would you prefer?

• Pallbearers. Pallbearer is a position of honor. Often your children or grandchildren (if old enough), favorite nieces or nephews. It is not uncommon to have ‘honorary pallbearers – young people who are not able to actually do the lifting, who walk with the casket as it is being carried.
• Speakers giving the eulogy. A eulogy is a very important part of any funeral service or memorial or celebration of life. Suggest someone who will tell your story well give the eulogy. We, of course, would suggest you hire a professional eulogy writer (us) to write a great eulogy. It is not common, but not unheard of either, to have your eulogy written before you die simply so you can determine what will and what will not be said about you.
• Music played and sung at your service. Even though you won’t hear it (supposedly), YOUR music sung or played, is a powerful reminder of you to everyone present.
• Flowers. Usually you have no control over what kinds of flowers people send or bring, but you can state your preference for those your family provides.
• Charity contributions. People like to give memorial gifts or remembrances to your favorite charity. Unless you say what those charities are, your loved ones can’t know.
  

If you’ve lived in several different locations, you may want an obituary published multiple locations.  Be sure to update it if things happen or change in your life that are significant (e.g. the birth or death of a family member or divorce or remarriage).
 
Step 4: Encourage Your Loved Ones to Discuss Their Final Wishes
People die. Often unexpectedly. You want to make your final wishes known, but you may well not be the next in your family to die. While you are discussing YOUR last wishes, open up the discussion to include everyone’s. Not everyone will be as intentional as you, but getting these things on the table may be very helpful to family members down the road. ‘Remember what mom said she wanted at her funeral when grandma brought up the subject? Let’s do that.’
 
Discussing Final Wishes With a Terminally-Ill Loved One
Terminal illness is emotionally devastating for most people. Your loved one may not want to discuss anything about their mortality. Let it go… Allow them NOT to talk about it.
 
It is possible that your loved one will, as death approaches, be ready to talk about their last wishes.  Be alert for subtle cues. Never force it. It is possible that they will never be ready to talk about what they want. That’s OK.
 
In this case, when you have to make decisions after they die, you cannot make wrong decisions. You simply do what you believe would be respectful of their life.
 
Family members and friends may be able to help you piece together a plan that makes sense, given their personality, beliefs and values.

Choosing a Funeral Home

When a loved one dies, there are dozens of things that need to be done. One of the first, of course, is to find a funeral home (and, of course, find someone to write and present a eulogy – we’d suggest TheEulogyWriters.com for your eulogy writing needs). A good funeral director can guide you though the entire process, making it as little stressful as possible. Most are highly trained and, by nature, very sensitive people.

Following are some simple steps to follow to make sure the person you have and the facility they represent are exactly what you need and want.

Step 1:  Decide What You Want

Location: This is priority one. The funeral must take place in a location that is convenient to family and friends to get to on short notice. Weddings are great for ‘destination’ events, but funerals need to be accessible. This, of course, severely limits your choices. Some cities and suburban areas have dozens of choices, but smaller communities may be limited to one or two or, maybe, a couple more in a neighboring town.

Loved One’s Wishes:
Did your loved one express a desire for a traditional funeral or for cremation? Did he or she have a connection to a particular funeral home – perhaps because one of their loved ones was buried from there? If cremation is the desire, your choices will be limited to those who provide cremation services.

Cemetery:
It is sometimes (although not always) preferable to work with a funeral home that also operates a cemetery or memorial garden. It may be more cost effective and the chances of everything working seamlessly are more likely. However, even those not associated with cemeteries are usually quite experienced with working with whichever cemetery you might choose. But again, physical location of the cemetery in relation to the funeral home is an issue.

Knowing what you want at the beginning of your search makes the whole process so much easier and less stressful.

Step 2:  Discuss – Make Decisions After Consulting Family and Friends

Nearly everyone has had a loved one die. Most will readily give a review of their experience with any particular funeral home and director. Word-of-mouth from trusted friends and family may be the best advice you will ever get.
Even if friends and family have not actively participated in the planning of a funeral at a funeral home, many will have attended a service and can share with you their impressions – how well it was coordinated, how friendly the staff was, how the celebrant did…

If you get rave reviews about a particular funeral director, you will still want to check to see if that director still works at the funeral home. Unless they are owners, funeral home personnel is often quite fluid and your reputed director may well have moved on to another facility (in which case you’ll want to find out where and see if that one fits your needs). 

Step 3:  Do Your Research on Local Funeral Homes

Research is easy in today’s world. Just go to the internet and you can find what you want.  First, determine the location and services or a particular funeral home, (as well as any cultural and/or religious affiliations, if that is important to you).

Search this Directory for the Very Best Funeral Homes in Your Area

Next, read customer reviews.  People who leave reviews are usually passionate one way or the other. The outstanding reviews probably make more of it than necessary and the negative ones probably exaggerate their dislike. The truth is somewhere in between.

Sometimes the funeral home website will have videos or other helpful things to give insight into who they are and what they do. Most funeral home staff are not overly web proficient, so be aware that what you read and see is put together by a web designer and may not give an accurate picture of what the funeral home is really like. But it will give you a hint. It was their input the web designer used.

We recommend that any funeral home you use be a member of a state or national funeral home association. This means they are up to date on the latest regulations and have certain ethical and professional standards to meet. Such affiliation is easily determined. It will be on their website or you can simply ask.

Many funeral homes in America today are no longer ‘family’ owned as they were in the past, even though they may still carry the family name. The funeral home industry is being bought out by mammoth corporations. This is both good and bad. The corporation requires certain standards of conduct, aesthetics and professionalism, but also takes away some of the personalness of the experience. Directors have little ‘wiggle room’ when dealing with clients.

Step 4:  Tour the Funeral Homes That Meet Your RequirementsAfter you have finished steps 1 to 3, you will, hopefully, have a list of no more than 3 funeral homes that fit your criteria. Call and set up a meeting, letting them know you are shopping. If they are aware that you are doing some comparisons, they will put their best foot forward and may give you discounts in order to get your business (here again, corporate funeral homes probably won’t be able to give discounts – directors don’t have that discretion).

Most funeral directors are very friendly people, but you may find some that give off a bad ‘vibe.’ These informal meetings are good to find this out before you sign up. Taking a friend or relative with you is probably a good idea, too. He/she can observe things that you may have missed.

Be sure to get assurance that the director you meet and talk with will be the one who works with you for the funeral. Often there is a representative for the funeral home that does not actually do the directing. You want to meet the actual person who you will be working with.

Before meeting with the funeral director, compose a list of questions:

1. What do you do with body preparation?  Ask about transporting the body from the place of death to the funeral home, embalming, dressing the body and applying makeup.
2. How much of the event does the director or funeral home do?:  Your funeral director should say they take care of everything. This includes working with other vendors as necessary, such as florists, the hearse, caterers if needed, print shops, newspapers, etc.
3. What can I expect in terms of burial or scattering:  Your funeral should be expected to carry out your wishes with respect to your loved one’s body and final resting place. He or she will help you understand a cemetery’s rules, or advise you on where the ashes can legally be scattered.
4. What paperwork needs to be addressed? There is always post-death paperwork required by the government. Determine whether the funeral home will help you navigate this. If not, they will at least be able to provide you with a list of what needs to be done.
5. What are the facility restrictions?  If there is to be a visitation before the funeral service or a reception after, does the funeral home have a room large enough to accommodate the number of people you expect? Is the room in good repair and clean and comfortable?  Is it tastefully decorated?  Does it have adequate seating for elderly friends and relatives?  Is it wheel chair accessible?  How many restrooms does it have? Are the restroom facilities clean and easily accessible?  Is there adequate parking?
6. What is the Out-the- Door Price:  We’ve all experienced purchasing something and then finding out there are all kinds of added fees or taxes. Ask about the FULL price of all services and get this in writing. Otherwise you WILL be surprised at how the price goes up after you have made your decision.
7. Cost is not always the bottom line: You should not make a decision based purely on the quote a funeral director gives. You should consider other factors as well, such as your level of comfort with the funeral director, the quality of the funeral home’s facilities and the manner in which the director handles him/herself. While one funeral home may appear that it’s offering a “better deal” on paper, another (seemingly more expensive) may, in fact, be offering you “better value.” 

Step 5:  Make Your Decision and Get to It

After you have gone through all the above, it is time to make a decision on a funeral home to work with. They will ask you to complete and sign a service agreement and, once done, they will get to work.
The funeral for your loved one will be a special event because you have thought about and considered all the options and made rational decisions.
 
Don’t forget to send your funeral director and the officiant a thank you note. Such acts of appreciation are rare but are truly appreciated.

Choosing Cremation is an excellent and ever more popular option.

What You Need to Know

Cremation is the disposition of a body through the use of intense heat – fire. It usually takes from two to four hours for the body to be completely decomposed into a fine, sand-like consistency. These ‘ashes’ are typically spread in some meaningful place or placed in an urn for keeping or burying. 
Cremation Does Not Mean You Can’t Have a Funeral ServiceWhile it certainly is often the case that cremation means there is no funeral (what funeral homes call ‘immediate disposition’) the is not always the case. In fact, more and more frequently, there is a formal service of memorial held either before or after the cremation. Often families want to have a service but the crematoria won’t have completed their job by the time a memorial service has been planed for. In these cases, a photo is typically displayed in place of a casket or urn.  Cremation is, by no means, a substitute for a funeral or a memorial service or a celebration of life.

• Traditional Funeral Service:  Tradition is important. Rites of passage and closure are important. Havin a service, even though there is no body (or even an urn) is important for friends and family. Often, there is visitation (a wake) and a traditional service in the same way as there would be if there were a body in a casket present. In fact, some people prefer to actually have the body present for the visitation and funeral, with cremation following. This, of course, is more expensive, since a casket of some type is still needed (even though it may be a disposable one). Nevertheless, this is often the preference.
• Memorial Service:  If there is no body present – only a photo or an urn, the service is referred to as a ‘memorial service.’ This service, often held on a lakeshore or other favorite location, often incorporates the scattering of ashes (although not always – often the scattering is a separate occasion with immediate family only
• Celebration of Life:  This type of ceremony is a much less formal affair than a memorial service, with everyone invited to take part and to share stories with one another.  It’s for people who don’t want tears at their passing, only fond memories.  Like a memorial service, it is up to the family whether or not the deceased’s ashes are present, as well as whether or not the ash scattering or burial will be part of the ceremony.

The Pros of Cremation

• It’s Far Less Expensive:  No cemetery plot to purchase. No casket or embalming of the body. No ‘opening’ and ‘closing’ costs for the grave. No headstone or monument to install. No hearse to rent… On average, cremation is six times less expensive than ground burial – clearly the least expensive form of human internment. 

• TIME is not such a critical issue: When a body is present, time is an important issue. A body cannot be unburied indefinitely. Burial must happen with a week at most. Cremation allows families all the time they need in planning a ceremony, decreasing the stress factor significantly. This is especially helpful when family members live out of town or out of state. Everyone benefits… And, of course, putting a eulogy together is SO much easier without the crush of time. Eulogy help: TheEulogyWriters.com

• The ashes are easy to transport:  With cremation, the location of the memorial service or funeral doesn’t have to be local. It gives the family the opportunity to hold the service in a different part of the country or even overseas if so desired.

• Cremation is environmentally friendly: Land usage is always an issue. Hundreds of millions of graves take thousands upon thousands of square miles of land – and tie up that land forever. In addition, cremation uses no chemicals which may eventually leach into the soil.

• Cremation is sometimes psychologically easier:  The thought of a body ‘rotting’ is often an unpleasant thought. Claustrophobics can’t imagine being enclosed in a casket and being buried under a mound of dirt.

• Cremation offers far more memorial options:  You can, if so desired, completely eliminate the cemetery. You can consider burying the ashes in a family cemetery plot Or  storing the ashes in a columbaria. OR you can scatter the ashes in an outdoor location – a lake or river, a mountain vista, a park, under a special tree. And, if you want, you can even have some of the ashes made into jewelry to wear. ALSO – there is no reason ashes can’t be scattered in several locations that have special meaning to the family or are just nearby everyone wherever they may reside.

The Downside – there always is at least one

• Cremation requires a specially constructed furnace and these are not available everywhere: small and rural communities may not have cremation facilities. Transporting the body to one in a city or neighboring community will incur a cost.
• Religious Prohibition:  Cremation is not permitted in some religious faiths. Orthodox Judaism; Islam; and Greek Orthodox do not allow cremation for their members.  Roman Catholicism forbade cremation until Vatican II in 1960.  If you are religious and are uncertain whether or not cremation is acceptable, check with a spiritual leader.

• Familial Agreement Can Be an Issue:  Not everyone is a fan of cremation. Death of a loved one shouldn’t be a time for family disunity but it often is. Those in favor of cremation need to be aware that, because it is not terribly common, some family members may not be comfortable with it. There may also be disagreement as to who will be the caretaker of the ashes and the urn if they are not to be buried or scattered. Decisions made can cause rifts in families forever. Tread lightly, please.

• Environmental Issues: Even though there is no cemetery plot involved, the crematon process does require extensive usage of fossil fuel, which always increases carbon dioxide emission.  The process also produces mercury, which is released into the atmosphere.

• Eliminates any possible inquiry into the cause of death:  A buried body, even after years in the ground, can be exhumed if necessary.  With cremation that is, obviously, impossible.

• Cannot Identify Misplaced Ashes:  All ashes are identical. If urns or somehow confused, there is no way of telling which one is which loved one. This can be a very emotion laden issue.

• No Permanent Memorial:  One of the most significant downsides of scattering ashes is that there isn’t a permanent memorial or location where family members and friends can visit to pay respects. Many people find comfort in being able to visit a graveside location. Scattering ashes on family grounds may create emotional distress when the time comes to sell the property.  In addition, the location of scattered ashes may (and probably will) be forgotten by future generations (burying the urn alleviates this concern).

The Cost of Cremation

The Cremation Research Council says that, currently, the average cost of cremation is $1,100. 

Check with the funeral director to find out what all is included in cremation fees. That $1100 usually doesn’t include any type of funeral or memorial service… only the cremation.

Be aware that there are some “fly-by-night” cremation operations out there. Be sure you are  using a reputable cremation service.

Choosing a Cremation ProviderMost funeral homes (even ones that offer cremation services) do not actually own their own crematoriums. They send the bodies out for the service.

Begin your search for a cremation service provider by:

• Online Research:  Do a search for cremation providers in the area with a simple Internet search. Take a look at reviews and comments posted by previous customers. Read the responses to reviews that are left by the funeral home owners.

• Ask people you know:  Ask family members, friends, neighbors, work colleagues, and church members if they have used cremation services and where they would recommend and, more importantly, where they would NOT recommend. 

• Contact Government Offices:  Each State has a governmental agency that is responsible for the licensing and regulation of crematoriums and cremation providers.  Call them or  visit their website, and ask about any complaints that have been filed. 
• Visit the crematoria. While Internet research is helpful, there is no substitute for visiting the cremation provider in person.  Tour the facility (you will find it fascinating). Speak with the staff to make  yourself comfortable with their explanations of their services and fees

• Ask About Pricing:  The crematoria director should give you a price list that clearly states all services that they provide, along with the cost and sales tax.

• The crematoria should be licensed and be able to provide certification:  Find out which associations the company belongs to and what code of ethics they adhere to. Also ask about recent governmental inspections. 

• Insurance:  Determine what kind of liability insurance the company carried. If the funeral home is not the owner, determine whether the funeral home’s insurance covers the crematorium, covering mistakes or negligence.
• Cremation Facilities:  You may or may not want to visit the cremation facility (it can be disturbing to some people). Do they have refrigeration at the facility for work waiting to be performed?

• Tracking Porcedures:  Cremation is final.  Once it has been done, it is impossible to correctly identify your loved one’s ashes if there is not an adequate body-tracking procedures.  You have the right to see the provider’s policy and procedures manual. You will want to determine how your loved one will be treated; what body tracking procedures are used, and who identifies the body before the cremation begins  (A family member often is allowed to formally identify the body to ensure that there isn’t a mix-up.)

• Return of Ashes:  Ask about the length of time before the ashes are available for pick up or delivery – and what happens to the ashes if there is a delay in picking them up – what does the crematorium do with ‘unclaimed’ ashes?

• Witnessing the Cremation:  It may not be desirable, but sometimes families want to be present during the disposition of the body. Ask whether this is an option. Sometimes doing so helps people establish closure (be warned: seeing a loved one’s body go into the furnace and hearing the roar of the gasses and flames can be a disturbing experience).

• References:  You may want to see references if the crematoria has not already been recommended by people you know and trust.

All documents you request should be easily available. Transparency is of utmost importance. If you are not permitted to see a full price list; operating license; certificate of insurance; policy and procedures manual, that is a red flag. Find another provider.

Regardless of price, the most important thing is that you want a cremation provider that will treat the body of your loved one with utmost dignity and will act in a professional and compassionate manner throughout.

With Cremation, Do We Need a Casket?

It depends…

If cremation is after a period of viewing or after a traditional funeral or memorial service, yes. However, usually such caskets are of light weight, disposable material so the cost is reasonable. Some funeral homes will even ‘rent’ you a traditional casket (this will often depend on state and local laws regulating the reuse of a casket).
A rental casket is a casket that looks like any other casket, but has a removable interior, which is a simple wooden box, making it reusable. The body is fully contained within the interior box, which is easily removed after the funeral.  The body is then cremated in this box. Since the deceased never came into contact with the outer casing of the casket, the funeral home can re-use the casket by inserting a new removable interior (again, according to state and local rules).

If cremation happens before the funeral, the family will still have to purchase a consumable casket. The law requires that a body be enclosed in a container during the cremation process to protect the health and safety of the crematorium workers.
Prices and quality of caskets starts at the bottom with a no-frills cardboard box (also referred to as an “alternative container”), and goes all the way up to premium caskets that are also used in traditional burials.  Some crematoriums will include the alternative container in their standard fee. Since it will all be consumed anyway, we recommend the ‘alternative container.’

Even if you choose to use a more traditional casket, most crematoriums will only accept caskets that are fully combustible, with no metal parts. Solid wood caskets work best, as are cloth-covered wood caskets and wood veneer caskets.  Most “green” caskets are also ideal. Whatever is ‘fully combustible’ will work.
 
Dealing with the Ashes
After the cremation, the family is given the ‘cremains’ (the person’s cremated remains).  The cremains are commonly referred to as “ashes”.

Popular Options:

Scattering
When people who choose cremation, nearly half request that their families scatter their ashes after they have passed. This is often done in rivers, ponds, golf courses, gardens, flower beds, at a lake or sea, or a location that is personally significant to the deceased and his or her family.  However, it is important to inquire if your local laws permit the scattering of ashes.

Burial
Burying cremains in an more traditional option.  The urn can be buried in a cemetery plot or an urn garden or in the back yard. 
Burial within the cemetery is usually marked with a grave marker, making the site a permanent memorial.  Some family members may find solace in being able to visit and care for the burial site.

Columbarium
A columbarium is an above-ground building that houses cremation urns.  Inside the building, the walls have “niches” (or a small opening in the wall) that can hold a single cremation urn.  Once the urn containing the cremains has been interred in the columbarium, a bronze plaque is placed on the outside of the niche.  The plaque is a permanent record of who is inside the niche.
As with burial, some families find it comforting to be able to visit the place where their loved one has been laid to rest.

At Home
Some people prefer to keep the ashes of their loved one at home, either in an urn on display, or in a simple urn kept in a private place within the house, or buried in the garden.
Memorial Tree

A memorial tree is a beautiful tribute to someone’s life and legacy. It is also a gift to future generations.  In addition, symbolizes the circle of life, and our return to nature after our death.
When memorial trees are planted on a family’s private property, the ashes can be sprinkled around the base of the tree or buried under the tree. 
Some also install a simple bronze plague at the base of the tree that displays their loved one’s name, date of birth and date of death, along with a personal message or quote.