Choosing a Funeral Home

Choosing a Funeral Home

When a loved one dies, there are dozens of things that need to be done. One of the first, of course, is to find a funeral home (and, of course, find someone to write and present a eulogy – we’d suggest TheEulogyWriters.com for your eulogy writing needs). A good funeral director can guide you though the entire process, making it as little stressful as possible. Most are highly trained and, by nature, very sensitive people.

Following are some simple steps to follow to make sure the person you have and the facility they represent are exactly what you need and want.

Step 1:  Decide What You Want

Location: This is priority one. The funeral must take place in a location that is convenient to family and friends to get to on short notice. Weddings are great for ‘destination’ events, but funerals need to be accessible. This, of course, severely limits your choices. Some cities and suburban areas have dozens of choices, but smaller communities may be limited to one or two or, maybe, a couple more in a neighboring town.

Loved One’s Wishes:
Did your loved one express a desire for a traditional funeral or for cremation? Did he or she have a connection to a particular funeral home – perhaps because one of their loved ones was buried from there? If cremation is the desire, your choices will be limited to those who provide cremation services.

Cemetery:
It is sometimes (although not always) preferable to work with a funeral home that also operates a cemetery or memorial garden. It may be more cost effective and the chances of everything working seamlessly are more likely. However, even those not associated with cemeteries are usually quite experienced with working with whichever cemetery you might choose. But again, physical location of the cemetery in relation to the funeral home is an issue.

Knowing what you want at the beginning of your search makes the whole process so much easier and less stressful.

Step 2:  Discuss – Make Decisions After Consulting Family and Friends

Nearly everyone has had a loved one die. Most will readily give a review of their experience with any particular funeral home and director. Word-of-mouth from trusted friends and family may be the best advice you will ever get.
Even if friends and family have not actively participated in the planning of a funeral at a funeral home, many will have attended a service and can share with you their impressions – how well it was coordinated, how friendly the staff was, how the celebrant did…

If you get rave reviews about a particular funeral director, you will still want to check to see if that director still works at the funeral home. Unless they are owners, funeral home personnel is often quite fluid and your reputed director may well have moved on to another facility (in which case you’ll want to find out where and see if that one fits your needs). 

Step 3:  Do Your Research on Local Funeral Homes

Research is easy in today’s world. Just go to the internet and you can find what you want.  First, determine the location and services or a particular funeral home, (as well as any cultural and/or religious affiliations, if that is important to you).

Search this Directory for the Very Best Funeral Homes in Your Area

Next, read customer reviews.  People who leave reviews are usually passionate one way or the other. The outstanding reviews probably make more of it than necessary and the negative ones probably exaggerate their dislike. The truth is somewhere in between.

Sometimes the funeral home website will have videos or other helpful things to give insight into who they are and what they do. Most funeral home staff are not overly web proficient, so be aware that what you read and see is put together by a web designer and may not give an accurate picture of what the funeral home is really like. But it will give you a hint. It was their input the web designer used.

We recommend that any funeral home you use be a member of a state or national funeral home association. This means they are up to date on the latest regulations and have certain ethical and professional standards to meet. Such affiliation is easily determined. It will be on their website or you can simply ask.

Many funeral homes in America today are no longer ‘family’ owned as they were in the past, even though they may still carry the family name. The funeral home industry is being bought out by mammoth corporations. This is both good and bad. The corporation requires certain standards of conduct, aesthetics and professionalism, but also takes away some of the personalness of the experience. Directors have little ‘wiggle room’ when dealing with clients.

Step 4:  Tour the Funeral Homes That Meet Your RequirementsAfter you have finished steps 1 to 3, you will, hopefully, have a list of no more than 3 funeral homes that fit your criteria. Call and set up a meeting, letting them know you are shopping. If they are aware that you are doing some comparisons, they will put their best foot forward and may give you discounts in order to get your business (here again, corporate funeral homes probably won’t be able to give discounts – directors don’t have that discretion).

Most funeral directors are very friendly people, but you may find some that give off a bad ‘vibe.’ These informal meetings are good to find this out before you sign up. Taking a friend or relative with you is probably a good idea, too. He/she can observe things that you may have missed.

Be sure to get assurance that the director you meet and talk with will be the one who works with you for the funeral. Often there is a representative for the funeral home that does not actually do the directing. You want to meet the actual person who you will be working with.

Before meeting with the funeral director, compose a list of questions:

1. What do you do with body preparation?  Ask about transporting the body from the place of death to the funeral home, embalming, dressing the body and applying makeup.
2. How much of the event does the director or funeral home do?:  Your funeral director should say they take care of everything. This includes working with other vendors as necessary, such as florists, the hearse, caterers if needed, print shops, newspapers, etc.
3. What can I expect in terms of burial or scattering:  Your funeral should be expected to carry out your wishes with respect to your loved one’s body and final resting place. He or she will help you understand a cemetery’s rules, or advise you on where the ashes can legally be scattered.
4. What paperwork needs to be addressed? There is always post-death paperwork required by the government. Determine whether the funeral home will help you navigate this. If not, they will at least be able to provide you with a list of what needs to be done.
5. What are the facility restrictions?  If there is to be a visitation before the funeral service or a reception after, does the funeral home have a room large enough to accommodate the number of people you expect? Is the room in good repair and clean and comfortable?  Is it tastefully decorated?  Does it have adequate seating for elderly friends and relatives?  Is it wheel chair accessible?  How many restrooms does it have? Are the restroom facilities clean and easily accessible?  Is there adequate parking?
6. What is the Out-the- Door Price:  We’ve all experienced purchasing something and then finding out there are all kinds of added fees or taxes. Ask about the FULL price of all services and get this in writing. Otherwise you WILL be surprised at how the price goes up after you have made your decision.
7. Cost is not always the bottom line: You should not make a decision based purely on the quote a funeral director gives. You should consider other factors as well, such as your level of comfort with the funeral director, the quality of the funeral home’s facilities and the manner in which the director handles him/herself. While one funeral home may appear that it’s offering a “better deal” on paper, another (seemingly more expensive) may, in fact, be offering you “better value.” 

Step 5:  Make Your Decision and Get to It

After you have gone through all the above, it is time to make a decision on a funeral home to work with. They will ask you to complete and sign a service agreement and, once done, they will get to work.
The funeral for your loved one will be a special event because you have thought about and considered all the options and made rational decisions.
 
Don’t forget to send your funeral director and the officiant a thank you note. Such acts of appreciation are rare but are truly appreciated.