How to Eulogize a Person You Did Not Like

How to Eulogize a Person You Did Not Like 

‍Eulogizing a person you didn’t like can be an immensely difficult task. It is hard to stand in front of a crowd of mourning family and friends and express kind words about someone you didn’t care for. Yet, honoring the deceased is an important part of the grieving process and can be a meaningful tribute. To help make this difficult job a bit easier, here are a few steps on how to eulogize a person you did not like. By taking the time to craft a respectful and thoughtful eulogy, you can honor the deceased while still being honest about your feelings.
 
 
Consider the deceased’s positive attributes

As you begin thinking about the deceased’s life, take a few moments to consider his positive attributes. Was the person kind, generous, or loyal? Did the person have strong values or beliefs? What was the person’s best quality or what made the person a great person? Trying to think of the best side of the deceased can help you find a proper balance between honoring the deceased and acknowledging your feelings.
 
Acknowledge your relationship with the deceased

You may have had a rocky relationship with the deceased, but you can acknowledge your relationship with him or her as you talk about the person. Try to avoid being overly negative, but be honest about your feelings. For example, you might say, “As you all know, John and I had our differences. However, he was a good friend, an excellent employee, and a caring father.”
 
Emphasize shared values and commonalities

As you talk about the deceased, try to emphasize any shared values or commonalities you may have had with the person. What were the things you both valued or believed in? Did you have similar hobbies, career paths, or interests? What commonalities did you share? By emphasizing the commonalities you shared with the person, you can bring a positive and unifying tone to your eulogy.
 
Be honest about your feelings

The deceased is gone and you cannot change that fact. There is no use in trying to pretend that you liked the person or that you had a great relationship with him or her. Rather than trying to be something that you are not, be honest about your feelings. You can tell the audience, “I didn’t always agree with John and our relationship was, at times, contentious. However, I want to honor him for his service to our country and for being a good father.”
 
Speak of the deceased’s accomplishments

If the deceased was an outstanding person, you can mention his or her accomplishments during the eulogy. Did the person have a number of degrees, accolades, or awards? Did the person accomplish anything noteworthy or heroic? What are a few of the deceased’s major accomplishments? By speaking of the accomplishments and successes of the deceased, you can highlight the person’s positive attributes and leave the audience with a memorable tribute.
 
Show respect for the deceased

While it is important that you are honest about your feelings, it is also important that you show respect for the deceased. Throughout the eulogy, try to respect the person by mentioning his or her accomplishments and positive attributes. You can say things like, “John was an excellent employee,” or, “I will remember John as a devoted husband and father.” By showing respect, you show compassion and consideration toward the deceased’s family and friends, and the eulogy can become a positive tribute to the person.
 
Invite others to share their memories

After you have shared your thoughts about the deceased, invite others to share their memories and stories about the person. This can help lighten the mood as well as shed light on a different side of the deceased. This can also be a helpful way to show others that you cared about the deceased enough to put in the effort to speak about him or her at the funeral.
 
Offer comfort to the bereaved

As you eulogize the person, you can offer comfort to the bereaved by sharing personal stories. You can say things like, “I remember the last time we all went out for pizza together,” or “I will never forget John’s advice at my last job interview.” These stories can help show the audience that you are trying to be helpful and that you care. These stories can also help the grieving process by bringing a bit of laughter during a sad time. You can help the grieving process by offering comfort to the bereaved and letting them know that they have your support.
 
Close with a meaningful message

As you close your eulogy, try to end on a meaningful note. What did you learn from the deceased? What would you like others to learn from the eulogy? What did you want to get out of the entire experience? By closing on a meaningful note, you can help the eulogy become a meaningful tribute to the person.
 
Practice and prepare

It can be helpful to practice your eulogy a few times before the big day. This will help you feel more comfortable and prepared when it’s time to speak. You can even write your eulogy out in advance to help you thoroughly prepare. By practicing and preparing, you can help reduce any anxiety you may feel and deliver a respectable eulogy that honors the deceased.
 
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