Listening to the news every morning is no way to start the day. It’s seldom good. The President says or does something scary or something no president should say or do… congress isn’t much better. Whatever the other party is in favor of they are vehemently opposed to – whatever gets them re-elected is a higher priority than serving the best interests of the country. Even the weather person brings news of disaster half the time. So I’ve decided to subscribe to one of those joke-a-day email lists. Every morning I awake to something that is funny (or at least worthy of a smile). When I die, I hope they will say, at my funeral (in my eulogy or memorial speech, of course), that he had a good laugh to start each day. I’d like to share one that I received a few days ago that I liked. It’s one of those "Ever Wonder..." lists.
DID YOU EVER WONDER:
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why you don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
- Why it is that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
- Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons?
- Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
- Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called ‘rush hour’?
- Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
- Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
- Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
- Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains like your wool sweater does?
- Why are they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
And now back to the morning news:
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Steve Schafer is the founder of TheEulogyWriters and is probably the most prolific eulogy writer (and, no doubt, the best) anywhere. He lives in Michigan and has been writing eulogies for well over thirty years. The articles in this blog are designed to help people through the process of losing loved ones.